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GUEST WORK
When your opponent is also your guest, you must first get beyond the canard that it would be impolite to beat him. Such misguided hospitality has no place in the repertoire of the true golfman. When you're the host, use your "home field advantage" to impair your opponent's game directly, through disinformation, and indirectly, by making him feel like an outsider.
Your guest-opponent will of course ask about local conditions such as targets on blind shots, hole locations, bailout areas, etc. In answering these queries, appear to be helpful while in fact misleading him. Never lie, just interpret, color, and "spin." For example, asked whether the 150-yard markers are accurate, say, "Yeah, right!" and chuckle. It will cast enough doubt to render them useless. If he presses the matter, be even more cryptic: "Well, it depends on which member of the greens committee you believe." This will conjure up whole worlds of intraclub conflict which, of course, have no place in the mind of a competitive golfer. And as the host, never miss an opportunity to provide fascinating details about local history and points of interest, native flora and fauna, and the course drainage system.
When you're the guest, you can neutralize your host's advantage by disparaging the design and condition of the golf course, the clubhouse architecture, the food in the grill, the selection of hair tonic in the locker room, etc. If you're a guest at a private club with strict rules of behavior (e.g., no cell phones, no shorts, no laughing), contrive a bizarre facial tic, or place a toothpick in the corner of your mouth and leave it there for the entire round.
Do you have a favorite golf ploy you don't see here? Submit it to our contest and it may appear in the next edition of How to Win at Golf!
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