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A WORKMAN'S TOOLS
"Golf clubs aren't only tools. They're totems. The game turns on illusions." --FRANK HANNIGAN
"From an engineering standpoint, we've designed these irons [Great Big Bertha Tungsten Titanium Irons] in such a way that they don't want to slice or fade; don't want to dig in the rough; don't want to flutter in sand." --CALLAWAY GOLF PRODUCTS BROCHURE (italics theirs)
The standard equipment ploy is a two-pronged assault: (1) praise yours, and (2) denigrate his. Credit your clubs whenever you hit a good shot. Talk about your "pet" driver and your "sweetheart" putter. Mention the scary moment you thought you'd lost your trusty sand wedge. Your opponent will soon wonder why he never had such a close relationship with his sand wedge. On a cold day, tell him 100-compression balls get rock-hard below 58 degrees Fahrenheit (a myth, actually), or that graphite shafts lose 2 percent of their flexibility for every degree of temperature under 55 (even if he doesn't buy it, he'll be doing the arithmetic instead of thinking about his game). In a somewhat more risky but potentially devastating gambit, hint that your own equipment is illegal (but never admit any wrongdoing).
By the same natural law that insures you will choose the slowest checkout line at the supermarket, the other guy's gear always looks better. Though we all have access to the same equipment, the other guy's always seems state-of-the-art, while our own stuff, after bitter experience, seems woefully inadequate. Indeed, it's only human to suspect that faults lie not in ourselves but in our implements. Cultivate this doubt in your opponent with simple questions: Are his shafts too firm (or soft) for his swing speed? Are his irons too upright (or flat)? Are his grips perhaps a thirty-second too small (or large)? Does his glove fit properly?
Ask him if his clubs are custom-fitted. If he says no, smile and shake your head. If he says yes, ask him if they were fitted outdoors. Explain that a competent clubfitter needs to see the flight of the ball to develop an accurate set of specs. In a more direct approach, examine your opponent's new driver and snicker, or make a few strokes with his putter and ask, "You putt with this?"
An offbeat but valuable equipment ploy involves footwear. If your opponent is wearing Softspikes and you're not, ask him if he thinks they give him "enough traction." If you're wearing Softspikes and he's not, tell him you switched "out of fairness."
See also CARTMANSHIP
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