KENNY'S UPDATE - 8/31/07

Hello, this is Kenny Mayne, author. I've now written 10 chapters but I need the weekend off before I file Chapter 11.

On TV right now is another story about that Idaho senator who went to the bathroom in Minneapolis. I don't think he's going to run for president now.

My book will go an entirely different direction than all those other books that go on and on about Idaho senators who aren't running for president in bathrooms. My book will concentrate on sports, but not so much so that I'll lose readers who don't like sports that much. It will have a bunch of words, but not so many that I'll lose readers who cannot read.

Also, if anyone has good seats to Stevie Wonder in Boston—let me know.

KENNY'S UPDATE - 8/28/07

The book writing had been going quite well (I wrote several sentences two weeks ago) but then I went on vacation and didn't really move the project forward too much.

I did read a book while on vacation. That should count for something. It was written by my friend Jeremy Schaap. By the looks of it he took a long time researching stuff when he wrote his book. That's his problem.

At this point,Ê I have no idea what my book is about. It was going to be about sports but I think I have some useful chapters on coffee and air travel. I may scrap everything and just turn in a coloring book.

Some guy in New York City keeps telling me I have to turn in a "manuscript" real soon. There's no way he can make me write a manuscript. A book is all he's getting out of me.

We've had under 20 million hits on this website. We got that going for us. We also have several new videos ready to put on the site. I recorded the videos in 34 different languages. The one above is in Gaelic.

Word of the Week is:
TROWEL

The word trowel will for sure be in one of the chapters.

KENNY'S UPDATE - 8/17/07

Hello. Kenny Mayne, author. I wasn't saying hello to him. I am me.

I am writing a book. There's been a big setback. I threw away everything I wrote and now I'm starting over. I might start with page four just to feel like I've accomplished something. In fact, come to think of it, what if I went from page four to page 12 and so on? I could be done in no time. If the book were coming out next week, I would probably go that way.

Instead, the slow people at Crown aren't going to come out with it until next April. I guess they also have other books. You don't even have to worry about stuff like that.

Just buy the book.

In April.

Crown or that big company that owns Crown hopes I sell about 50,000 books. What a bunch of wankers. I hope to sell a million books. It's my contention that if I met with 300 people I could sell one book. There are 300 million people in the country excluding the 43 who just snuck in. Wait. 43 just died. Wait. 43 were just born.

Anyway, there are 300 million people give or take 43. The book won't dwell in statistics.

It's called An Incomplete and Inaccurate History of Sport. Some people thought we should add an S to Sport but I told them I had a reason for not including an S after S-P-O-R-T. I don't remember what that reason was right now.

43 people were just born.

See you at the book store in April. Or I'll see you at the bookstore if that's how you want to write it. I don't care.

I'm up to page 26 now.

KENNY'S UPDATE - 8/8/07

Hello. This is Kenny Mayne, author. In my last web videos, you saw that I was in Maine. You also saw that I was taking on Harry Potter.

Neither one of those is true any longer.

Now I'm in Seattle. That's my hometown. Actually I am from Kent, Washington. It just sounds cooler to say I'm from Seattle. Also, as you must know by now, I am NOT taking on Harry Potter. If anyone was standing in the Harry Potter line to get my book that must have sucked.

I hope you enjoyed the Harry Potter book. I heard everyone died. No one dies in my book except the people who were dead before I wrote the book.

Very soon, but who knows when, I will have produced new web videos. Then this web site will be extra fancy.

KENNY'S UPDATE - 8/1/07

Hello. This is Kenny Mayne, author.

I don't have any new web videos to show you right now. I've been too busy writing this stupid book. I have another 220 pages to go. Hopefully, they'll let me run 120 pages of old photos. That way, I can keep the money set aside for a photographer and I'd only have to write captions on those pages instead of full sentences with commas and everything.

I have a title for my book but I don't really know what it's about yet.
I can't believe Crown fell for the load of crap my literary agent sold them. I can't believe I have a literary agent.

This is getting pretty dark. I'd better write some inspirational stuff. But not right now, I'm busy. The book doesn't even come out until next April. Why do they want the words so far in advance? What are they doing, chiseling the words into stone? I thought everybody had computers at this point. Except for Amish people. How do they look stuff up on Google?

Next time I write I will give you a full paragraph of something that's been written so that you don't think this whole thing is a joke.

The part about taking on Harry Potter was the joke. But we mean business about having a book. One day.

Not today.

Click on the videos below to practice for when I make up a new one.

Word of the day (or week, if I don't update this very often) is:

WIFFLE

Remember, Wiffle has no H in it even though it was printed that way the other day (with an H) in the New York Times. Who can you trust these days? You can't trust me to write a book, that's for sure.