Note from the author

It is my great pleasure to introduce Mrs. Hunter to you. When I first read the story of her happy death (in January 1801) I was simply overwhelmed. She was like no one I had ever met before, and yet she reminded me of so very many people. Perhaps she will remind you of someone you have known and loved, too.

I am convinced that we can do better by our friends and loved ones who are preparing to die. Of course we can love and honor and respect them. No matter what their physical or mental condition, they, like all of us, are children of God and precious in God's eyes.

But perhaps the greatest gift we can give to the dying is to allow for the possibility that we would be blessed by them. This was, for me, the greatest surprise of my work with the dying. Again and again in my work as a pastor, I came away from the deathbed feeling that I was the one who was being truly blessed.

People in Mrs. Hunter's day held their dying friends and loved ones in extremely high esteem. People preparing to die were presumed to be drawing close to God. What can we learn from her? What truth will he proclaim? What sign or blessing will she offer, even if she is unable to speak? These were the hopes and expectations of people who cared for their dying loved ones in Mrs. Hunter's day. We would do well to ask these questions anew in our day.

Excerpts from Book (anecdotes)

When Lucille Callen awakened from surgery, she learned that the surgery had failed to repair her colon and intestine; soon she would bleed to death. After singing to her a few songs about the suffering of Jesus...I asked her a question that her sons must have thought a little odd. "Would you like me to sing something more upbeat?" Lucille nodded. "How about a few verses from 'Morning Has Broken'?" Lucille smiled and nodded with great enthusiasm. A decisive yes.... Lucille brightened visibly at the singing of this hymn and...nodded her head up and down perceptibly to the beat....As I finished, Lucille turned her head, a smile on her face and her eyes filled with tears, and set her gaze upon her sons. (p. 33)

Q: Why would Lucille Callen have wanted to sing something "more upbeat" as she prepared to die?

After her twelve-year-old son, Donny, died from cancer in 1968, Dawn Moore wrote an account of his death, comparing the experience to the appearance of a rainbow.

To suggest that Donny Moore's tragic death from cancer was "happy" may sound ridiculous, even offensive, to the modern ear. This underscores the crucial challenge of "decoding" the language of early modern England to make sense of Mrs. Hunter's death. As Mrs. Hunter and her peers used it, the word happy came from a very particular lineage. Specifically, they inherited and embraced a strong cultural association of happiness with holiness of spirit, or purity of heart. (p.51)

Q: What was it about Donny's spirit that his mother found so inspirational? Is there something you find "beautiful" about Donny's death?

In 1997 John Fanestil was called to the bedside of Jason Robb, a seven-year-old boy dying of cancer.

When I began my work as a pastor, I was unprepared to answer questions about the nature of life beyond death. In my late twenties when I was ordained, I was unconcerned with death even as I embarked upon a career that would force me to confront it so directly. I was more concerned at that time in my life with the here-and-now dimensions of the religious life....My cultivated ignorance in questions of the after-life came crashing in on me one day in 1997, when I received a call from one of my parishioners, Laura Dawson, who asked me if I would pay a visit to her seven-year-old grandson, Jason, in the hospital. Expecting to hear that he had suffered some kind of accident, I said, "Of course," and then asked why he had been hospitalized. "He is dying of cancer," she said. (p.65-66)

Q: What were the personal experiences that, to this point in his life, had kept John Fanestil from confronting the reality of death? What experiences in your life have made you want to pretend that death does not exist?

Before she died of cancer in 1994, Nancy Martens hosted the women's group from her church at her home.

In 1994 Nancy was diagnosed with an untreatable cancer, and she promptly went about the business of preparing for her death. That Thursday morning I got to Nancy's house about 10 A.M. Her hospital bed was in the living room, and her friends were seated in chairs scattered around the room. Nancy was sitting up in her bed and smiling. She looked frail and weak, but her smile was the same as it had been every other time I'd seen her....It dawned on me that Nancy Martens was sitting up in her deathbed and serving tea to her friends.

So it was that Nancy Martens was genuinely unfazed by the spiritual work of dying. More than that, she was genuinely contented as she died. Nancy did not just accept death-she embraced the other dramatic changes in her life, from a spiritual posture of openness and trust. (p.85-86)

Q: Does Nancy Martens remind you of anyone you have known? In what ways?

LESSONS FOR READERS

Lesson #1-The Exercise of Prayer: Working Out Your Own Salvation

What favorite prayer can you recite by memory? Is there a phrase from this prayer that you can turn into a "breath prayer"?

Lesson #2-Keep the Word: Making the Bible's Story Your Own

Think of a favorite character from the Bible (or from some other great literary work). In what ways is your life story similar to theirs? In what ways is it different? What "next chapter" in your life's story do you aspire to write?

Lesson #3-Take Up the Cross: Conquering All Things

Do you know someone who has risen above great pain and suffering in this life? How did they do it? (Ask them if you can.) What can you learn from their example?

Lesson #4-Sweet Reflection on the Past: Recognizing the Presence of God

When in your life have you felt that God was utterly absent? How was God finally revealed to you? Who were the people and what were the places or practices that brought you back to an awareness of God?

Lesson #5-Enjoy Sweet Communion: Remembering the Saints

Who are the people who have served as "saints" for you at different times in your life? What would you say to them if you were able to speak with them today? What can they teach you about being a saint for somebody else?

Lesson #6-Drink from the Celestial Stream: Shouting Out Your Joy

In what religious tradition were you raised? What is the best thing you can claim from this inheritance? What truths from this tradition are you able in good conscience to "shout out loud" with joy?

Lesson #7-The Labor of Love: Loving God and Neighbor

Is there an older person living alone in your neighborhood? What can you do to build a friendship with them? Introduce yourself? Invite them to share a meal in your home?

Lesson #8-Live the Present Moment: Seizing the Day

If you had one day to live, what would you do? (Avoid the expensive and fantastical.) Can you do it today? Tomorrow? Can you make plans now to do it next week? Next month? After you have done it, ask yourself, "Now, when can I next do that again?"

Lesson #9-Bear Testimony: Sharing a Good Word

The word blessing means, literally, "a good word." What good word would you want to share with your spouse or partner? with your child? with your dearest friend? If you could speak only a single word in the moment of your dying, what would it be?

Lesson #10-Fear Not: Keeping the Faith

What will be your spiritual posture in your dying months? your dying days? your dying hours? your last moments of consciousness? What can you start doing now that will prepare you to die this kind of death?

Questions for the Reader

1. What can I learn from my loved ones who have died, or are nearing death?
   
2. What will be my spiritual posture as I am living and dying?
   
3. What will I say and do in my dying months? my dying days? my dying hours? my last moments of consciousness?
   
4. What will my death look like and feel like to those who love me?
   
5. What effect will my dying have on others?