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Caroline's Avatar Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Location: Englewood Cliffs, NJ

Caroline's Friends

Caroline's Interests
Books The Bible, Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard, anything by Dr. Phil,
Go Ask Alice
Television Pimp My Ride, Martha Stewart, Guiding Light, Oprah, Dedicate Live, Full House, Sex and the City, Lizzie McGuire, Six Feet Under, Best Week Ever, Metal Asylum, The Office (US version), Conan O’Brien
Music The Wiggles, Raffi, Creed, Michelle Branch, Ashlee Simpson
C’mon, like I could list them all (the ones that don’t suck) here?
Movies It’s really all about either Johnny Depp or John Hughes.
Interests sleeping, Ferris Bueller, how do cowgirls make a living, PTA hags, Johnny Depp, Jordan Catalano, Grey Goose, Billie Joe Armstrong, hangover cures, cute boys, Mary-Kate and Ashley, Google, how come nobody on The Simpsons ever gets older, Mother Goose, game shows and wine coolers as hangover cure, circus freaks, Krispy Kremes, superheroes, boys who wear eyeliner, boys as hangover cure

Caroline's Schools
Friends Country Day School, Hohokus, NJ: kicked out!
Sacred Heart School for Wayward Girls, Tenafly, NJ: graduating!
College: not likely!
Caroline's Blog

N. and I went to hear Mucho Macho Masochisto play last night at Crazy Lou’s. N. has been all, “You have to hear this band!” but I was all, “Dude, that band just made the cover of CMJ and played SXSW – which has to mean they’re already over!”

But the N. girl, she won’t give up when she loves a band. And despite her poor taste in Israeli psycho-boyfriends and despite me telling her over and over, “Are you sure Tal lives on an actual kibbutz in South Africa cuz I don’t think there are kibbutzes there” – and yes, N., I do know what a kibbutz is (Google is my other best friend after N.) – but does she listen? Nooooo…, so despite all this, I’ve learned from experience that when N. says a band’s got it, trust her.

My girl came through once again. Show. Rocked. Anton from Mucho Macho Masochisto – I LOVE YOU! I love your skin-tight jeans, I love your five chili alarm hot body, I love your firecracker-colored hair exploding in every direction, I love your pouty song-wailing, I love you for being named Anton and still being straight. (At least you appeared to be when you made out with those two girls on stage at the same time.)

Anton, beautiful Anton. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease, let me abuse you mucho. You bring the whips, I’ll bring the chains.


I have taken down every single picture/poster etc. of Johnny Depp AND the band Gay for Johnny Depp from the walls of my room and replaced them with pictures of Anton. I don’t care if his name really is Antonio. He’ll always be Anton to me.

When we get married (or when I bear his love children, whichever comes first), he’ll list his name on all the official forms as Anton. Because that’s how much he loves me. He’ll change his name for me. He’ll convert to monogamy for me – and me for him. ANTON WILL BE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Johnny's Back...

Johnny Depp has returned to glory on my bedroom walls.

Anton, you didn’t even give me a chance to be your babymamma before you cheated on me. I read on some stupid groupie’s blog that you are all punk boy on stage, but off-stage, you are like some hardcore Catholic who’s married to some former beauty pageant queen and you have like twelve babies together! Have you and Mrs. Cheating-on-Caroline not heard of contraception?