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My friend’s boyfriend has been flirting with me A
LOT. What do I do?
—Flirting With Trouble
Dear Flirting With Trouble:
Before we start on this advice thing, I think I better quote
to you from VOYA. The editors there are very nice about
The Boy Book, and say stuff like "[Roo is imbued] with
such realism she seems almost to fly off the page."
They also have a warning especially for you, and your cohorts
below, who are (for reasons best known to yourselves) clamoring
for my insights about boys when I don't even have a boyfriend.
And do you know what that warning is?
"Do not ask Ruby for advice." *
I repeat. "Do not ask Ruby for advice." There,
from a respected publication on the subject of adolescents!
However, if you must proceed at your own peril, I will tell
you that the Friend Boyfriend Flirting Problem (FBFP) can
be very serious and lead to massive personal debacles and
the blue spots of social leprosy. So whatever you do, don't
do what I did in The Boyfriend List.
* "There are no easy
answers here for teens who are in the midst of crises about
friends and relationships. Instead Lockhart offers Ruby's
triumphs and downfalls for readers to ponder on their own.
What does it mean to be a good friend? How do you deal with
a boy who might be more than a friend? Do not ask Ruby for
advice but encourage girls to read about Ruby to see how
tough it is sometimes to resolve these and other issues."
– Teri S. Lesesne.
I met this amazing guy over the weekend and gave him my
number. It’s now Wednesday, and he has yet to call.
What should I do? —Praying for a “Ring”
Dear Praying for a “Ring”:
Before I became a leper/famous slut, I kept this notebook
with my ex-friends. It was like a regular lined notebook
that we decorated with silver paper and in it, we wrote
all the most important bits of data we had on the male species.
We called it The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors,
Plus Techniques for Taming Them, (A Kanga-Roo Production),
like it was a nature book about wolverines or something.
Which it pretty much was.
My point is, it took years of research and the brains of
four reasonably intelligent prep school girls to come up
with this answer:
Do nothing. There's nothing to do. You can't make him call
you. This is not even really a question. You are just venting
My boyfriend is always hanging out with his friends and
watching sports. He hardly spends time with me, and when
he does at least one of his other friends is around. How
do I get him to want to ONLY be with me?—One of Many
Dear One of Many:
In The Boy Book, one of my longest essays is on
the subject, "Why You Want the Guy You Can't Have:
Inadequate Analysis of a Disturbing Psychological Trend."
Basically(and I think my shrink Doctor Z would agree with
me, here) wanting a guy who just wants to watch sports with
his friends is wanting a guy you don't really have, even
if he's technically your boyfriend.
It's a recipe for horror and you're better off out of it.
But how to stop liking him? That's another question.
If I knew the answer to that, I would be a mentally stable
person and possibly rich.
Why is it that guys always have to stare at your boobs while
speaking to you? Have you had this happen, and what did
They stare at them because the boobs are very good-looking,
nay, even magnetic. They are magnets, I tell you! Boy-magnets!
When this happened to my ex-friend Cricket at a party at
the start of 10th grade, she lifted her boobs up, one up
in each hand so they really stuck out -- and then talked
to them. "Girls," she scolded. "John is talking to you.
He's looking right at you! See him there, staring? Why don't
you answer him? It's only polite." You could start with
that, I'd say. For "clever comebacks to catcalls" - that
is, if a guy actually TALKS to your boobs, like "Hey, twins,
wanna come out for an airing?" - please reference page 117
of The Boy Book for retorts such as "I'm curious.
Did your mother raise all of her children to be sexists,
or did she single you out?"
I am totally in love with my best guy friend, but he has
a serious girlfriend. Do I tell my friend and risk ruining
our friendship?—Fearful Friend
Dear Fearful Friend:
Movies where a guy and a girl are just good friends, but
at the end they finally realize they love each other with
a mad passion: Clueless. The Sure Thing. Can't Hardly Wait.
Some Kind of Wonderful. When Harry Met Sally. The Wedding
Singer. Emma. Sabrina. Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.
I've watched every single one of these and it really does
seem like you should ride off into the sunset with your
But life isn't like the movies.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and he has begun
spreading complete lies about me. Lies that can ruin my
reputation! What do I do?—A Reputation on the Brink
Dear A Reputation on the Brink:
I am the possessor of a sucky reputation, too. You can come
hang out with me. We can eat popsicles on the deck.
I am a teenage guy. Why do girls always find the need to
try to figure us out?—Let Us Be
What can I say, Let Us Be? If you would
1) say what you mean
2) dance at dances
3) explain why some guys think it's cool to get drunk
4) explain why you act different in front of your friends
5) tell us what you do when we're not there
6) stop growing wispy mustaches that are obviously ugly
7) stop chewing with your mouths open and
8) start talking about feelings
– we would probably leave you alone.
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