• Let’s just start right off with it. . . . Collars are:

  • Something on a shirt or coat worn around the neck
  • Jewel encrusted for your teacup-sized dog
  • Ironically worn with torn cords.
  • Popped. It’s not a collar if it’s not popped. The more the better.
• In your spare time you are:

  • Well-rounded. You play on the tennis team; you occasionally write for the paper; you go to parties on the weekend; you wear cable knit sweaters.
  • A rebel. Your life is lived on the edge. You’re not afraid to paint your nails black or play bass in a band. You like what you like and you’re not about to conform to society’s standards.
  • A New Englander in spirit or locale. You love the seasons—sailing and tennis in the summer, skiing and squash in the winter, rooting for the LAX team in the spring, pulling out the trusty pea coat in the fall. People often mistake you for a J. Crew model.
  • A fashion-addicted, shopping fiend. Your bible is Vogue. You love your AmEx and you’re not afraid to use it.
• This summer you will be doing the same thing as always:

  • Your summer plans don’t vary. You book your family’s May car pass on the ferry to Martha’s Vineyard in January.
  • Working at the local day-camp teaching kids about kickball, the joys of painting rocks, and that pulling hair isn’t the way to tell Susie that you like her.
  • Spent getting the perfect tan on the beach or the perfect outfit in a perfectly air-conditioned Barney’s
  • Following your favorite band around as they tour offering to carry amps to get on their good side.
• Your favorite places to shop are:

  • The Salvation Army for everything. In just one wash, it’s better than new!
  • J. Crew, Murray’s Toggery, the boutiques in Newport, R.I., especially with Muffy, your hilarious roommate from boarding school.
  • American Eagle, Abercrombie, Aldo. The mall was made for you—store after store of traditional threads.
  • Barney’s, Saks, et al. Your personal shoppers at the stores are sooooo thoughtful.
• The car of your dreams is:

  • A black BMW Sedan. You love how the sun shines off of the hood ornament.
  • An oldie but a goodie, like a VW Van from the ’70s.
  • A Volvo XC: good in snow with a perfectly sized wagon for your dog.
  • Anything. As long as it can get you where you want to go.