At Last: Proof That Civilization Is Doomed
A common criticism of the Internet is that it is dominated by the crude, the uninformed, the immature, the smug, the untalented, the repetitious, the pathetic, the hostile, the deluded, the self-righteous and the shrill. This criticism overlooks the fact that the Internet also offers--for the savvy individual who knows where to look--the tasteless and the borderline insane.
In researching this chapter, I spent many, many hours exploring the World Wide Web. My time was divided as follows:
|Typing insanely complex Web addresses||
|Waiting for what seemed like at least two academic semesters per Web page while the computer appeared to do absolutely nothing||
|Reading snippy messages stating that there is no such Web address||
|Retyping insanely complex Web addresses||
|Actually looking at Web pages||
As you can see, it can take quite a while for a Web page to appear on your screen. The reason for the delay is that, when you type in a Web address, your computer passes it along to another computer, which in turn passes it along to another computer, and so on through as many as 5 computers before it finally reaches the work station of a disgruntled U.S. Postal Service employee, who throws it in the trash. So when browsing the Web, you will almost certainly encounter lengthy delays, which means that it's a good idea to have something else to do while you're waiting, such as reroofing your house.
You may think this sounds like a fairly perverted game, but ask yourself: Is it really that different from Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head?
No, seriously, the photographs depict the romantic superstar mega-hunk posing in a manner that reveals his deeply passionate sensitive innermost feelings about what a stud muffin he is. What makes this site great is that you can click on the photographs, and, if your computer has sound, Fabio will say things to you, such as: "Your caress is my command." Apparently he doesn't realize that you're caressing him with a mouse pointer.
Think of it: Endangered sand!
If your computer has sound capability, you can actually listen to some singing sand. It is not easy, on the printed page, to describe the eerie, almost unearthly beauty of the sound that the sand makes; the best words I can come up with are "like a vacuum cleaner trying to suck up a dead cow." I for one would hate to see the Earth lose a resource like this, and I hereby urge Sting and Willie Nelson to hold some kind of benefit concert.
The Flaming Pop-Tart Experiment
Trojan Room Coffee Machine
Captain and Tennille Appearances