Funnier than a guy getting kicked in the nuts on YouTube and cooler than an episode of Robot Chicken, these hilarious, bizarre, sometimes grotesque books cross the line and don’t look back. The authors and topics fit right in with you and your weird little entourage; this month we’ve got ninjas, the voice of Death, a dude who swears he saw his Hot Pocket teleport across the kitchen table, and some really whack trivia about animals (did you know that spiders don’t eat their prey but actually dissolve and drink them?). Expect equally freaky books to come.
—The Crown Publishing Group
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Ask A Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook
This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon By Douglas Sarine and Kent Nichols After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook. Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die—probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or five years, all those who bravely take up this text will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been. • Learn the secrets of The Ninja Handbook |
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Death
A Life Written with George Pendle At last, the mysterious, feared, and misunderstood being known only as Death talks frankly and unforgettably about his infinitely awful existence. Chronicling his abusive childhood, his near-fatal addiction to Life, his excruciating time in rehab, and the ultimate triumph of his true nature, this long-awaited autobiography finally reveals the inner story of one of the most troubling, and troubled, figures in history. • Experience Death |
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Ghosts/Aliens From the Creator of Real Ultimate Power By Trey Hamburger Listen to this. On Saturday, March 8, at 7:12 p.m., Trey Hamburger heard a secondhand account of a teleporting Hot Pocket and started wiggin’ out bad. So he and his amigo Mike Stevens basically went into combat mode and ended up encountering some of the most seriously messed-up stuff ever. And they’re still freaked out about it. • Can you handle the truth? • Batten down your Hot Pockets |
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The Book of Animal Ignorance
Everything You Think You Know Is Wrong By John Lloyd and John Mitchinson Fast on the heels of the New York Times bestseller The Book of General Ignorance comes The Book of Animal Ignorance, a fun, fact-filled bestiary that is sure to delight animal lovers everywhere. Arranged alphabetically from aardvark to worm, here are one hundred of the most interesting members of the animal kingdom explained, dissected, and illustrated, with the trademark wit and wisdom of John Lloyd and John Mitchinson. • Cut the animal fat • Brush up on your general ignorance |
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Mumbo Jumbo Do not copy any of the content from these books without permission. All books are registered under Crown Publishing. If you see any of these books in a store, do not steal them. Do not scan these books and then sell them in Chinatown or upload them onto the internet. Do not buy the books, invite your friends over, and then dictate the books loudly in front of them. We are a huge corporation and, should you choose to rip us off, we have the legal right to bring the hammer of justice down on you and all those you love. |
