WEBSITES ON GRIEF

After the death of a loved one, it is easy to feel all alone. This may be even more pronounced when a child dies, when the natural order of things is upset. But there are resources – nationwide support groups with meetings for bereaved parents, siblings or grandparents like Compassionate Friends [find local chapter by clicking here or by calling (630) 990-0010], Bereaved Parents USA [find local chapter by clicking here  or by calling (708) 748-7866], and Parents of Murdered Children, [find local chapter by clicking here or by calling toll-free (888) 818-POMC, which is (888) 818-7662]. There may be local support groups the funeral home may know about even if you do not.

There is a place of support, too, that is open twenty-four hours a day, every day and every sleepless night, and that is the Internet. I found the resources with discussion boards the most helpful, so I have listed those first, followed by informational pages and pages on which one can post an online memorial. Be aware that some sites charge for memorials, but there are plenty that do not charge.

Alt.support.grief newsgroup – Discussion. This is a newsgroup or Usenet group where bereaved persons share experiences, coping techniques, and sympathy. It was set up in December 1994 by Cendra Lynn, who administers GriefNet, another great resource. It is an active bulletin board. There is an instruction sheet or "FAQ," which means "frequently asked questions," but most of the guidelines are common-sense. Anyone can post anything, so there are occasional inappropriate postings like money-making schemes. By and large the posting on alt.support.grief are on topic and supportive. There is a spin-off of alt.support.grief for those people dealing with suicide, Alt.support.grief.suicide. There are also other newsgroups related to grief, such as: soc.support.depression.crisis, alt.support.depression, soc.support.depression.misc., alt.life.afterlife, alt.consciousness.near-death-exp, and alt.obituaries, but there are more off-topic postings on these newsgroups.

Crisis, Grief and Healing. Discussion, information, memorials. This is a fantastic collection of resources, run by Tom Golden, a Washington, D.C. psychotherapist. Discussion bulletin board covering wide range of grief topics. Participants are usually bereaved persons. There are edifying articles and columns and one of the earliest memorial pages.

Griefnet. KidsAid. Discussion (using email groups), information, memorials. These pages are Cendra Lynn’s compassionate contribution to the grieving. Cendra is a traumatologist who works in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and she has created two websites – Griefnet and KidsAid, specifically aimed at issues of children and grief, and amazingly she also maintains fifty email support groups covering nearly every conceivable category and issue in loss. These support groups are made up of those who are grieving and they communicate by emails that are sent from the members to the whole group. One of her early email groups was a real lifeline for me. There are also columns and memorial pages.

Helping After Neo-Natal Death. Discussion (using an email group). H.A.N.D. is a Northern California non-profit, but its email groups are open to anyone who has suffered a loss during pregnancy or birth or whose baby died after birth. You will then be in email contact with others who have experienced similar losses.

The National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc. (POMC). Discussion (look for “Topic Forum” on right side of the homepage), information, and memorials ($50 charge for listing). POMC addresses a unique part of the grieving community, those who must deal with loss at the same time that they deal with the criminal justice system. The national staff is very hands-on with help in linking with someone with a similar loss if you don’t live near a chapter or with assistance in the criminal justice system.

AARP’s Grief and Loss page. Informational. Geared toward the loss of a senior, there is a lot of practical information here for those dealing with such a loss or helping another deal with it.

Beyond Indigo. A fairly easy site to navigate, with a table of contents on the left hand side of the home page. Lots of resources including articles, resource lists, message boards, and a “find a buddy” program, which I have not personally used but sounds like a good idea, especially for people who are home-bound or isolated. This site does feature new age articles and pieces on near-death experiences as well as religious postings.

Counseling for Loss is located in Kent, Ohio and features local information but the majority of the benefits of the webpage are available to anyone. There is no message board, but there are personal journals and articles and resources and an opportunity to publish a memorial.

Grief Group Website is not at all polished, but there is a message board and a chat room. The site is aimed at those who are “suffering from the death or illness of a loved one, abuse, rape, or depression,” so it can include participants who have not suffered the death of a loved one, but I have visited several times and the chat room discussion was always about mourning a death.

WidowNet is for widows and widowers, and includes news, information, email lists (sign up and receive emails sent to all participants, to which you can respond), message boards and chat rooms.

Groww. The site is a little difficult to navigate but there are moderated evening (for the east coast) chat rooms (quick registration, anonymous and no email address if you choose) and message boards. The chat rooms use lots of internet shorthand, but if you are unfamiliar with some conversation that looks like jibberish, just ask. Everyone is nice. There are also memorials and information on grieving, but some of the pages are difficult to read because the background and the print are close to the same color.

Centering Corporation is a non-profit but there are items for sale on this site. The unique feature of this site is that there is forum for teens who have experienced a loss; there is not much interaction among posting participants – none of the current threads had any responses – but the site does register how often a post is viewed, which assures the teen he or she is not shouting into a void.

Good Grief resources bills itself, rightly, as one of the most comprehensive collection of grief resources. They are well organized and include books, articles, music, support groups, memorial products.

Compassionate Friends. Largely informational site of the nonprofit for bereaved parents and siblings, but there is an evening (7-11 PM EST) chat.

Mothers in Sympathy and Support. Discussion forums and very supportive pages about parental grief, with very specific and helpful information. "Those who can't hear the music think the dancer is mad."

The Death and Dying forum at Healthboards is a reasonably active discussion group where participants can reply and they can see how often their message has been viewed. This same site also has a Grief and Loss forum, which is also active.

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There are specialized sites for those who have suffered particular kinds of losses. This is not a complete listing of all the available resources, but just an example of the kind of sites that are on the internet.

Silent Grief. Information and a chat board for those who have suffered from a miscarriage.

Hygeia is a Connecticut organization dealing with issues of bereavement after a pregnancy and neonatal loss, due to any cause. There is general information, and the bereaved can join discussion and email groups. Click on the “join” link for these services.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome website is for those who have lost infants to SIDS. There is a lot of information about SIDS that parents of at risk children should also read. It is a somewhat busy page, but the real index seems to be in the right hand frame as you scroll down the page, which is where you can find a link to their discussion pages, for example.

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education has a page on coping with a loss, with information and an opportunity to post personal stories.

Survivors of Suicide. Information and a password-protected message board for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

The Drowning Support Network is an email group where you can join others who have lost loved ones to a drowning or other aquatic accidents.

Parents of Murdered Children offers information, advice and discussion forums to those who have lost a child to homicide.

Discussion board for those who have lost a loved one to homicide.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors is for the families fallen military men and women. It is a nonprofit, not affiliated with the government. It has information and a weekly chat.

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Posting a memorial is often done, either on group sites or individually. Local newspapers often offer a place for an online memorial and some have guest books. Some sites cost money to post or to post a picture, and some are free. Some are for particular groups, like children, military veterans, AIDS victims, and some have no restrictions. A large number of the memorial sites that existed ten years ago are no longer operating, and some are no longer taking memorials because of the enormous demand. It would be nearly impossible to link to all the various sites, so this is very small tip of a very large iceberg.

AIDS victims are memorialized here. People with whom you share the memorial’s password can also post, which is a nice feature.

Angels Online is a longstanding open memorial site. There is no fee, although donations are accepted.

Angel Roster is a free short listing and link to your separate memorial web page.

Crisis, Grief and Healing Memorial Page. Web Tom Golden, mentioned above for his website, also maintains a memorial page where posters can invite email responses. It is divided into kinds of losses.

Memorial site for Hayes Kent, who died in a single car accident when he was sixteen. Extensive, well-designed pages, an example of what can be done online.

Miami Herald online memorial page with guest book. This is an example of the kind of memorials available through some newspapers with online sites.

Google personal pages on grief and bereavement. This contains links to a variety of memorial pages for all kinds of losses. Some are simple. Some are elaborate. All are touching.