Q & A with Veronica Chambers

In Conversation With Veronica Chambers
Author of HAVING IT ALL? Black Women and Success

How does the definition of "having it all" differ for middle-class black women and middle-class white women?

Middle-class black women don't have the guilt, or not nearly as much guilt, about choosing to work full-time while we raise our kids. The fact is that black women have always worked outside of the home and we've never seen it as a detriment in our child-rearing skills. On the contrary, in our community, being a good mother was long defined, first and foremost, as providing for your children economically. Not to mention, we never questioned our parenting skills because for so long we made our living by raising white people's kids.

That said, if there is a parallel question of guilt, I think black women, regardless of our economic background, feel a greater sense of responsibility to our extended families and communities at large. We feel that we are only so successful while there are people, who look like us, who are still suffering so greatly.

What was the most surprising thing you discovered while working on HAVING IT ALL?

I discovered that middle class black women are choosing to be stay at home moms in unprecedented numbers. They have formed numerous groups including, most famously, Mocha Moms and BEAM's (Black Educated At Home Moms.) Cheli Figaro, one of the founders of Mocha Moms, is featured in my book. The challenge for these women is that they represent a vital income in their families, so they often receive resistance from their husbands when they want to stay home. Also, as daughters of the Civil Rights dream, their parents sacrificed a great deal for their education and aren't always thrilled that they are staying at home to be full-time Moms. As one woman's Mom told her, "Anybody can take care of a baby. This is what you're giving up an Ivy League degree for?"

Can you talk about the things that all women want?

The universal element is that black women, like white women, want it all: a fulfilling career, a loving relationship, kids and economic prosperity. This may seem obvious, but it's not. A generation ago, black women were considered to be at the bottom of the totem pole, behind black men, behind white women. Now, we are going after the same quality of life, but we come to the table with very different skills and life experiences. I think what most black women feel is that while we are similar to white women in wanting to have it all, we don't have the same sense of entitlement. We expect that it's going to be hard. And we expect that in juggling so much, sometimes, we'll have to rob from Peter to pay Paul. In other words, we don't expect that we can give 100% to our jobs, our families and our partners all of the time.

What role does money play in success?

In some ways, it plays a huge role. In the past decade, the number of black families earning more than $100,000 doubled from 220,000 to more than 415,000. That translates into real power and real choices for today's black woman.

That said, the gap between perception and reality is high. Which is why prominent black women can still sit in the shoe department of a major department store in their bare stockings, clearly waiting to be served on, and be asked by some oblivious white person, "Will you get me these pumps in a size 7?"

Can you talk more about the role of spirituality/religion in black women's success?

The black church has long been a cornerstone in the battle for Civil Rights. I think these days, with more and more middle-class blacks returning to the church, there's a definite feeling that the church is a safe haven. It's the place where you can take off your black corporate mask and just be "Sister So and So." As a whole, I think black women are more comfortable with public displays of spirituality. I think you can say, "Girl, pray for me" to another black woman, be it about a pending promotion or your romantic relationship, and no one will think you are a religious fanatic.

What is the most important factor in the success of the women featured in Having It All?

I think the most important factor for the women in Having It All is that they haven't waited for society to tell them that this is their time. They've annoited themselves. Yes, the benefits of the Civil Rights movement means that they have more opportunities, but we know from the great numbers of black men struggling that there's more to success than opportunity. These are women who are pursuing education, top jobs, and fulfilling relationships with an unprecedented level of entitlement. That's news.

How is the Mommy track different for black women?

Black women have always worked outside of the home, even when that job entailed taking care of another woman's children. Historically, the definition of being a good mother is very different for African-American women. To be a good mother in our community means to go out, work and create economic opportunities for your children. In this day and age of "balance" and "having it all," this is an enormously liberating heritage. You just don't see the levels of guilt that you see depicted in such books as "I Don't Know How She Does It." We do know how she does it because we saw our mothers do it and we saw our grandmothers do it.

How does the shortage of marriageable black men relate to the women in your book?

The common wisdom in the black community is that the more successful a woman is, the harder it is to meet a partner. And the numbers bear that out: when we do marry, black women are far more likely to marry a man who earns less than we do than our white counterparts. That said, it's an insidious notion to tie achievement by black women to personal loneliness and one that the women in my book categorically refute. Because as recent media stories, such as the Fortune magazine cover on househusbands show, that by the very nature of our roles in society, women who are highly successful shake things up both in the boardroom and in the bedroom. The way that successful women are changing the American family is very new territory for women of every color.