Whether you voted for Bush or not, you owe the world an apology. He’s your president, after all, and the last eight years have been disastrous. Pardon My President features dozens of ways to say “I’m sorry”—just sign your name, fold along the score lines, and add a stamp.
Here are hilarious and heartbreaking apologies to John McCain, Barack Obama, Queen Elizabeth II, the people of Iraq, schoolteachers, pretzel manufacturers, the Louisiana Superdome cleaning staff, and everyone else the Bush administration has wronged, including
• Fiscal Conservatives: “Six years after taking office, George Bush and his Republican-controlled Congress had taken those surpluses and turned them into the largest debt in the history of our nation—more than $9 trillion.”
• L’Oréal USA: “I’d like to apologize to you and the rest of the cosmetics industry for the physical appearance of Katherine Harris. . . .While millions of women use your products safely and responsibly, an unfortunate few abuse them in vile and disgusting ways.”
• The English language (c/o Harvard University Department of English): “No individual, with the possible exception of Larry the Cable Guy, has wronged you so profoundly.”
• Harry M. Whittington: “I’m sorry Dick Cheney shot you in the face.”
This collection of witty, ready-to-mail apologies offers essential reading for Bush bashers, disenchanted Republicans, and anyone looking for a clean start in 2009.