From Rule 6: Put the Kingdom Above the Booty, page 83:
Like Samson, many of us ignore the truth about someone we find attractive. We dig in our heels, fold our arms, and boldly declare that bad is good when it comes to our relationship choices. Despite advice to the contrary, we still insist, “She/he pleases me well.” If you find yourself thinking any of the following about people you are going out with, you need a dose of God’s truth, or you are headed for a fall:
· I just know I can fix him/her. We cannot even fix ourselves, that’s why we needed a Savior! So how can we fix other folks, especially when they may resist being fixed? God would not give you an unsaved or unhealthy marriage partner to sap
all of your energy and render you useless in the kingdom.
If your love interest needs work, it’s likely to be work he or she should be doing with the Holy Spirit–alone. Your presence will only hinder the process. Don’t date anyone until God fixes the major issues in that person first!
· I’ve invested too much time and energy to quit now. We see the Doppler radar screen flashing: severe tornado warning: vacate premises immediately, but we decide to sit tight and see if it will pass. What happens if it doesn’t? You may survive–though just barely–to find that your roof is blown off and it will take years to rebuild.
· I’m scared of what he/she might do if I leave him/her. You should be more scared of what might happen to your self-esteem, self-respect, and peace of mind if you stay. Your choices are the only ones God holds you responsible for–only you can choose what’s best for yourself.seeDeut30:19 Lamentations 1:9 warns, She did not consider her destiny; therefore her collapse was awesome. Do what you should do (break up nicely), and trust God to do what He does best (comfort and restore both of you–separately).
· Well, it’s better than being alone. You think a bad relationship is worse than no relationship? Wrong. The danger of spending time with the wrong person is that it can cause soul ties to form: They start out as threads, become wires, and before long there’s a cable tied around your neck, choking you. You are never alone if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ. And you have so much to work on to get yourself ready for the special-sauce mate He has for you, you don’t have time to give in to loneliness!
· But I luuuv him/her! Ah, yes. Love can do many things, but it cannot conquer another person’s weak character or usurp someone’s will and force him or her to change. True love allows the loved one to experience the consequences of his or her decisions. As my (Chris’s) pastor, Dr. A. R. Bernard, often says, “Suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”
Excerpted from His Rules by Christopher Burge. Copyright © 2005 by Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Toussaint. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.