Now that you’re a “mature” woman, you’re smart enough to know. . .
If you were going to turn into your mother, you would have done it by now.
Nothing makes you look firmer and less wrinkled than walking a Sharpei.
When your hair starts to get kinky, your sex life should too.
“Have you lost weight?” is always a good conversation starter.
“Who are you again?” is always a good conversation ender.
You still look twenty-something. From the back. At night. In the fog.
If you wear heels and pearls to do housework, you need your meds adjusted.
It’s silly to long for a washboard stomach when you have a dashboard stomach–soft and padded, with a built-in air bag.
Mood swings are a great excuse for getting people at work to leave you alone.
Superwoman undoubtedly does drugs.
Excerpted from Laugh Lines Are Beautiful by Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant. Copyright © 2009 by Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant. Excerpted by permission of Celestial Arts, a division of Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.