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  • Written by Laura Pedersen
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A Novel

Written by Laura PedersenAuthor Alerts:  Random House will alert you to new works by Laura Pedersen


List Price: $9.99


On Sale: December 18, 2007
Pages: 416 | ISBN: 978-0-307-41546-2
Published by : Ballantine Books Ballantine Group
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Card sharp and former wild child Hallie Palmer is in college now–and Bernard Stockton, her legal guardian, has suddenly appeared during final exams. He’s hysterical about his recent breakup with his longtime boyfriend, Gil, and wants to enlist Hallie in a scheme to win Gil back. So Hallie returns to Cosgrove County, Ohio, for the summer, to her job as live-in yard person for Bernard and his delightfully oddball mother, Olivia. Also present are Ottavio, Olivia’s hot-tempered Italian lover, who’s desperate for a wedding; Rocky, a chimpanzee who’s one Singapore Sling away from an AA meeting for primates; and Hallie’s own ever-expanding family, which she fled as soon as she could slide down the drainpipe.

Around town, folks assume that since Hallie isn’t in jail, she clearly has no problems of her own and can therefore tackle theirs. But Hallie has plenty of troubles–a looming tuition bill, gambling temptations, and an ex-boyfriend who’s back in town for the summer to upset any potential if highly unlikely (a girl can dream!) romantic flings.

Yet as Hallie and company navigate life’s unexpected paths of games lost and love found, the real truth begins to emerge: With friends, family, and a place to call home, your heart’s desire is always within reach.


Chapter One

Someone cracks open the bedroom door. "Hallie? Are you in there?"

Upon hearing the familiar voice I wake slightly and assume that I'm having weird dreams due to excessive body heat. Lying next to me is my boyfriend, Ray. And on the other side is Vanessa. I push down the blanket.

"Hallie, are you up?" the voice comes again.

Only now I'm definitely hearing and not dreaming Bernard's stage whisper. And also smelling the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee with a hint of vanilla. Wakefulness and reality strike simultaneously. "Oh my gosh!" I shout, and raise my head off the pillow. "What time is it? I have an exam at eight!"

The only thing that's not surprising is to find Bernard Stockton in the hallway of my apartment. After all, he's the one who'd saved me when I was sliding down the slippery slope of adolescent rebellion the previous fall by taking me on as a live-in yard person. And now at least one weekend a month he arrives early and cooks us all a big brunch. Only this isn't Saturday or Sunday. It's Wednesday of finals week after my first year of college.

Bernard opens the door the rest of the way and steps inside the room. "It's just after seven," he says. But his voice is hesitant and hoarse, like a record being played at the wrong speed, and I can tell immediately that something is terribly wrong. Normally he would be trilling "Rise and shine!" like Amanda Wingfield in The Glass Menagerie. Not only that, he must have awoken at five in the morning to make the one-hour drive to Cleveland.

"What's the matter--I mean, I'm coming. . . ." I start to climb out from my position as pickle in the middle. "Um, could I meet you in the kitchen?"

"Oh, yes, of course. How indelicate of me." His footsteps become faint and then I hear him tackle the mess of dirty pots and pans in the kitchen.

After stumbling around the minefield of packed duffel bags and piles of dirty clothes for a few minutes I finally find a pair of sweatpants to pull on. No surprise to discover a bunch of unpaid bills and parking tickets scattered beneath them. I'll be lucky if the repo man isn't towing my car away at this very moment.

The whole place smells like old pizza and even older laundry. As I pass the living room the sound of loud snoring comes from behind stacks of books and model cardboard buildings that rise in the middle of the floor to form a miniature skyline. A closer look reveals my roommate Debbie and her boyfriend Daniel asleep on the couch, surrounded by notebooks and empty pizza boxes. It's a memorial to unfinished group projects everywhere.

In the kitchen Bernard has lined up his numerous shopping bags on the floor, since there's no available space on the countertops or table. Those are covered in a collagelike mishmash of art supplies, stained coffee mugs, and overdue book notices. Fortunately, he's accustomed to the mess. With four busy young women sharing three rooms and all the various friends and boyfriends hanging about, housekeeping rarely rises above the minimum required for pest control. Particularly during exam time, when everyone is cramming for finals and working like crazy to finish papers and art projects.

I rub the sleep from my eyes. "What's wrong? Is it Olivia?" Though I'd called Bernard's sixtyish mother the night before to ask her a grammar question for a paper I was writing, or at least attempting to write, and she'd sounded fine.

Bernard stops whipping eggs in the shiny metal mixing bowl he brought from home, bows his head, and shuts his eyes as if in pain.

I stop in my tracks and stare at Bernard, waiting for his answer while growing increasingly worried. For he was, as they said of Odysseus, a man never at a loss. Only in Bernard's case, when faced with adversity he was rarely without a witty remark and an audacious plan, though it was oftentimes one he'd seen in a movie.

Finally Bernard exhales for the entire State of Ohio and says, "It's Gil."

Never before have I seen him so grave when referring to his longtime companion. And so of course I assume the worst. "What? Is he dying?"

Now that my eyes have become accustomed to the light, I notice how completely wrecked the normally dapper Bernard looks--bags under his eyes, worry lines furrowing his brow, and something I've never seen on him before, brown socks with black loafers!

Bernard turns away from me and dabs at his eyes. "I promised myself I wouldn't shed any more tears." He waits a moment to compose himself, takes a deep breath, looks me straight in the eye, and in a trembly voice blurts out, "Gil left me!"

"You broke up?" I'm truly stunned. I'd have voted my parents more likely to break up than Gil and Bernard, and even the thought of that is impossible.

"We didn't break up." Bernard starts sniffing again. "Gil left me!" He switches to French for greater effect. "Abandonnement."

I'm not sure exactly what the difference is between breaking up and one person leaving, but this doesn't appear to be the right moment to ask. Tears begin to stream down Bernard's cheeks. I've never seen him full-out cry like this before, not even when his father died.

As I reach to put my hand on his arm, a hiss comes from the stove and he leaps to adjust the heat on his beloved Calphalon nonstick crepe pan. Then he concentrates on making chocolate crepes and this seems to calm him slightly, to my great relief. Hopefully Bernard is overreacting and he and Gil just had an argument that will eventually be resolved. Perhaps it was about Bernard's antiques taking up the entire garage. In the spring Gil always gets cranky when bucketfuls of pollen land on his car because it has to sit out in the driveway all the time.

"What happened?" I ask. "Did you two have a fight?"

"No. I mean, here Gil is, always insisting that he's the normal one. Then all of a sudden he goes berserk and announces that he doesn't want to be part of a committed relationship. Gil just hasn't been the same since his older brother, Clifton, died unexpectedly last month . . . he became more and more distant and then . . . he said . . . it was over. . . ."

Bernard becomes upset again and uses the dish towel over his shoulder to wipe away his tears. He always brings his own Marshall Field's British icon dish towels when he comes to cook for us.

All of my friends love Bernard. He's like an eccentric uncle who unexpectedly shows up and bakes, helps to decorate, rearranges the furniture, and organizes theme parties. One of my professors had even invited him to guest lecture in a pottery class. Having bought and sold plenty of ceramics for his shop over the past fifteen years, Bernard knows everything about the different schools and designs, and most of all, precisely how much any lump of painted clay you might have lying around your attic is worth. This morning, however, his usual exuberance is nowhere to be found.

Either the noise from us talking or, more likely, the smell of food and vanilla-flavored coffee awakens the couple on the couch in the living room and we hear them carefully making their way toward the kitchen. Design projects in various states of completion are everywhere, transforming the path into an obstacle course.

Bernard says to me, "I can't have anyone seeing me so out of sorts. Now, don't breathe a word to them about this calamity, all right?"

"Mum's the word," I reply. Bernard does indeed have a reputation for inexhaustible zest and witty remarks to protect.

He takes a deep breath, straightens up, and lifts his head high. "I'm channeling Susan Hayward in Valley of the Dolls when, after having her wig ripped off, she announces with great dignity, 'I'll go out the way I came in.' "

"I'm sure that's exactly what nine out of ten therapists would recommend," I agree wholeheartedly with his strategy.
Author Q&A

Author Q&A

Julie Sciandra and Laura Pedersen have been friends since their teenage days in Buffalo, New York, and can talk for hours about anything, though most conversations inevitably turn to snow and bowling.

Julie Sciandra: When are you finally going to tell us the name of Hallie’s mother?
Laura Pedersen: She’s just Mom. Mom is devoted to her family, has hopes and aspirations for her children, but she also worries about them.

JS: What’s your favorite part of writing a novel?
LP: In real life I’m entertained most by exasperation–when a person we care about is doing something ill-advised and there’s the urge to try and rescue the situation, but it can’t work for whatever reason, and so frustrated bystanders have to release that energy by yelling, joking, baking a pie, running, or whatever their thing happens to be. This usually occurs when Bernard is upset by the actions of his socially and sexually progressive mother, only he can’t really stop her because a) he has no right to, and b) at some level he knows that she’s right. So he acts out instead.

JS: This book seems to be mostly about love–searching for it, finding it, and in some cases losing it.
LP: Hallie is almost eighteen, and after you finish rebelling against your folks, live through the SATs, and get into college, it seems as if that’s usually next on the list.

JS: Did you borrow any of Hallie’s trials and tribulations from your own love life?
LP: I probably borrowed more for the older characters because I was in a tree or on a bike until I was around seventeen and didn’t have serious boyfriends until my twenties. In the Midwest in the 1970s and early ’80s there wasn’t this rush to grow up–it was the end of a long recession, one that had basically lasted throughout our entire childhoods. People still didn’t have money to spare and the media wasn’t bombarding us with products and images. I played touch football and street hockey with kids in my neighborhood. In high school I had a boyfriend who was captain of the lacrosse team, and Hallie’s boyfriend Craig plays lacrosse, so I guess I’m guilty there. But I don’t know that much about sports and thus am heavily dependent on my limited knowledge of what equipment goes with what game.

JS: What did you borrow from your own experiences for the older characters?
LP: When I was growing up most couples stayed together–they’d be like Officer Rich and his wife, Hallie’s folks, or Gwen’s parents. I was the only one of my friends whose folks were divorced, and that was after twenty-three years of marriage. So I probably developed a more questioning nature toward romance: How do you know when it’s right? What goes wrong and splits people apart? I went at it more from the scientific side: What if you get married and then meet the true love of your life five minutes after the wedding? It’s all fascinating to me, the importance of timing, how people meet–at parties, through friends, at work. And how they break up–with a huge fight, a growing drift, a civilized chat. Yet as much as I want to be a cynic, I’m a romantic at heart, believing in true love and all that Hallmark malarkey.

JS: Is that why you got married?
LP: I married a few months before turning thirty and that was definitely the right age for me. Anything earlier would probably have been a mistake. During your twenties is a good time to try everything, before the mailbox is filled with envelopes from the insurance company and under “doctor” in your address book there are several different names and numbers. I’ve been married for ten years now and don’t anticipate a midlife crisis. But if I do have one I’m pretty sure it will involve smoke jumping–you know, parachuting out of planes to extinguish forest fires. I’ve always wanted to do that.

JS: Hallie always seems to be struggling to earn money. Where does that comes from?
LP: It’s one of the things that makes me want to become a politician–that and the millions of children in this country without medical insurance. The cost of getting a good education is way too high and discriminatory toward people in lower income brackets. Most of my friends had jobs after school, on weekends, and during the summer. Heather worked at a department store, Mary was at CVS, Debbie was a camp counselor, Paul rode the garbage truck, Mike had a paper route, and I worked at a donut shop, among other places. All the girls baby-sat and the boys did yard work. Yet the money we labored hard to earn barely made a dent in our tuition costs. And that was twenty years ago!

JS: There hasn’t been a reference to a sitting president or a realtime current event in any of your books. Is there a particular year in which Heart’s Desire takes place?
LP: I’ve tried to make it seem like the present at whatever time you’re reading the book. There are gadgets such as computers with cameras and the Internet that tie it to the early twenty-first century, but I’m trying to avoid an exact year. Life and death don’t change that much, and the same with gardens, cooking, and the four seasons. Also the passions, disappointments, hopes, and humiliations of the heart remain pretty much the same. And it would be a sad day if first-graders stopped telling booger jokes.

JS: Rocky the dipsomaniacal chimpanzee has proved to be an extremely popular character. Do you know any alcoholic chimpanzees in real life?
LP: My husband is from South Africa, and when we were there visiting I met a monkey that had belonged to a sailor and had become a very bad alcoholic. The sailor had died and the monkey was taken in by a primate refuge that worked to get him off the sauce, though he remained one angry monkey. Otherwise I’ve read about special monkeys trained to help paraplegics. I took some literary license with Rocky because chimpanzees don’t perform this type of home health care that I’m aware of. But I worked with a chimpanzee named Chippy on a TV show, and so I was familiar with his size, movements, and expressions, and I thought I could describe him easily enough. Plus I couldn’t see doing a Dian Fossey and moving in with a gorilla colony in Rwanda for a year just to write a book chapter. Chimpanzees are usually the ones you see acting in movies, and so I think this will be an entertaining element in the big-screen version of Heart’s Desire. Remind me to find out how much Chippy is charging these days.

JS: You live in Manhattan and haven’t been in school in twenty years, so how do you write about teenagers currently living in the Midwest?
LP: Much of it is based on having grown up in a small town outside of Buffalo, New York, which had more in common with Nebraska than New York City, or at least it did back then. We had gardens with plenty of vegetables, church ladies who carried plastic shopping bags of knitting around, a firemen’s picnic, the county fair, and all the stuff from a 1950s musical. Nowadays I tutor at an after-school center in East Harlem, and this helps keep me up-todate on popular music, clothes, and candy. Believe me, if it weren’t for the kids at Booker T. Washington Learning Center I would not know the value of a Yu-Gi-Oh! card or what a “hoodie” sweatshirt is. Fortunately old comic book characters like Spiderman and Batman keep coming back in style, and so those are usually safe. Then there are the ten-ton backpacks being wheeled around by firstgraders who look as if they should be heading off to the airport rather than school. My gosh, we didn’t have homework until third grade, and even then it wasn’t much. You could usually stick it in your pocket.

JS: And the question everyone always asks: How do you know so much about gambling?
LP: Oh, that. When I was growing up holiday gatherings were comprised of a half dozen adults and me, the only child. Occasionally we’d play Parcheesi but it was usually a long night of poker. My mother taught me your basic stud games when I was five and so I’d sit on a phone book and play, bet, and deal along with everyone else. They were merciless. I remember being yelled at to hold up my cards the way you’d tell another seven-year-old to stop flinging peas. At the time my uncle was a police reporter in Buffalo and the official Damon Runyon of the family, complete with colorful phrasing and a gun strapped to his leg. When I was eleven he took me to the racetrack over in Fort Erie, Canada, which I found quite fascinating, and so after that I would ride my bike over there. It was always fun to bicycle over the Peace Bridge. There was a narrow cement path that went downhill as you approached the Canadian side, and usually some construction along the way, so I would consider whether it was preferable to be run over by a truck or plunge into the swirling Niagara River several hundred feet below and then go over the falls, possibly the first person to do so on a bicycle. Counting cards at blackjack was a natural next step since you could get pretty good odds back then if a place didn’t use lots of decks. And then I learned even more about probability while trading options on the floor of the stock exchange. However I was always terrible at math in school. I only came to life when you put a real dollar sign in front of the problem.

JS: So what’s next?
LP: I just finished the third installment of the Hallie Palmer series, Full House, and am working on the fourth and probably final book.

JS: Give us hints.
LP: In Full House Hallie must return home due to a tragedy in her own family. For her it’s basically the year I think most of us experience at some point where life becomes not so much about us anymore–when diplomacy enters our psyche in a big way. For example, for many people it’s when they have their first serious relationship, and for others it’s when they have a child. In the final book Hallie leaves the seventy-five-mile area that has always been her world and heads out into the wild blue yonder.

JS: Is it like a soap opera where she discovers a lost twin?
LP: Definitely not. There are enough twins in that family. But I think the ending will be a big surprise to those who’ve read the entire series.

JS: When you travel around the country doing readings and signings, have you noticed that restaurants claim to serve Buffalo-style chicken wings but they’re not at all like Buffalo wings?
LP: I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time, but I can say with authority that they certainly don’t look as good as Buffalo wings. They’re not nearly as large and oftentimes don’t include the blue cheese sauce. Furthermore, Buffalo has better pizza than most places, and we don’t get any credit for that. You know what else? People don’t believe me when I tell them that Buffalonians put snowblowers in their wills.

JS: People don’t believe me when I tell them my family owned a bowling alley.
LP: If they saw you do that backward-between-the-legs throw they’d change their minds in a hurry. Or play foosball.

JS: I guess we’re getting off track. So why do you like writing?
LP: Watching the news every night will make you think the world isn’t a good place. It certainly has its problems, but I find there’s a tremendous generosity of spirit in most people and a desire to make things better. I enjoy celebrating that. I’m hopeful about the future. I also believe that if the ship you’re after doesn’t come sailing into the harbor, then sometimes you have to borrow a rowboat and paddle out to it.

JS: Was there any main point you were hoping to get across in Heart’s Desire?
LP: It’s a story about things lost and things found–the ebb and flow that is an intrinsic part of nature and also creates the tapestry of our lives. My only regret is not to have said anything about fire safety, especially having grown up in a place where old kerosene heaters regularly burned down wooden houses in fifty minutes flat.

JS: Fire safety? Like a seminar from Officer Rich, the way he warns the local kids about blowing off their fingers with firecrackers?
LP: Not exactly. It’s just that I enjoy candles and feature them in the book. But these days you can buy floating candles that sit in a bowl of water. This way if you leave the room and forget about them you never have to worry about starting a fire. I highly recommend floating candles for everyone.

JS: You’ve officially turned into your mother.
LP: If that’s true then I won’t finish the next book because I’ll be too busy making citizen’s arrests of people smoking in malls and government office buildings.



“Prepare to fall in love with a story as wise as it is witty.”
–Sarah Bird, author of The Yokota Officers’ Club

“Smart, funny, and chockful of surprises, Heart’s Desire delivers on the promise of its title. Laura Pedersen’s lively imagination has created a cast of zany characters and an unforgettable heroine, whose honesty, sweet nature, and witticisms make this novel an enchanting read.”
–Bev Marshall, author of Right as Rain and Hot Fudge Sundae Blues
Discussion Questions

Discussion Guides

1. Hallie believes that she’s fallen in love with Auggie after a brief meeting. Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

2. Do you have a set of criteria for “the right one,” characteristics that you know you really like in a person, or do you just go by how you feel when you meet someone and then spend a bit of time together?

3. Brandt points out that most species are not monogamous. Into which category do you think humans fall? Are we meant to mate for life, be serially monogamous, or just date various people? Or does it depend on the individuals and the relationship?

4. At the beginning of the book Hallie observes that many couples seem to divorce when their kids leave for college. Do you think that people wanting to get divorced should try and stay together until their children are at least teenagers?

5. . Can your significant other also be your best friend? Is it necessary to have a good friend with whom you’re not engaged in a physical relationship in order to talk about certain things?

6. Hallie’s mother believes that Louise has taken up with a bad crowd of friends and that this is to blame for her recent wayward behavior. Is it fair to judge people by the company they choose to keep, or should you be able to see them as an individual? Would you worry if you had a teenage daughter hanging around with older guys who drove fast cars?

7. Hallie and Brandt have known each other a long time, and it appears that they might start a relationship. Has there ever been a person you really like and have known for a long time, but never considered for a relationship? What makes for “chemistry” between two people, where they both want more than friendship?

8. Hallie is having what she deems to be a good experience at college, but it sounds as if only a fraction of her time is devoted to actual learning. What percentage of high school and/or college would you say is about academics and what percentage is about other things such as learning how to be a friend, have a relationship, and basically be a human being?

9. Craig and Hallie agreed not to be exclusive while attending colleges so far away from each other. Based on your experiences, can long-distance relationships work?

10. Brandt and Louise choose abstinence when it comes to premarital sex. Is this the best option for all young people, or does it depend on the teenager? Should parents, teachers, and counselors be trying to steer teens toward abstinence, or should they provide all the information and let them decide what’s right? If you had a teenage son or daughter what route would you want him or her to take?

11. What are the pros and cons of marrying the only person with whom you ever plan on having a serious physical relationship?

12. Every once in a while we’re surprised to hear someone we thought was heterosexual announce a lifestyle change. In the book, Gil briefly considers being with a woman after a long same-sex relationship. Do you know people who have questioned their sexual preferences, and if so, do you think the urge to do so came on suddenly or had been on their minds for a while, only they may have been worried about sharing the information?

13. Ottavio wants to marry and Olivia doesn’t. Whose side are you on? Would you mind if one of your children, parents, or grandparents was living with a significant other?

14. Is it true that you always remember your first kiss and/or the first time you enter into a serious physical relationship? Do people make too big a deal about first times or are they really special?

15. Hallie’s parents have a lot of kids to keep track of. If you’re a teenager, do your parents know much about your real life? How might they answer if you were to ask them? If you’re older and you think back, did your parents know much about what was really going on when you were sixteen or seventeen? And if you have teenagers now, do you think you know much about their relationships?

16. Occasionally Hallie is forthcoming about her fears and concerns but usually lets them bubble inside for a long time. On the other hand Bernard is happy to unburden himself to basically anyone willing to listen. Do you tend to discuss your problems with others or keep them to yourself? Is either way healthier, is there a happy medium, or does it depend on the person?

17. As you get older, has your view on love changed at all? Are you more hopeful or more cynical about romance than you were a few years ago?

18. Do you think people usually break up because they feel that one of them has changed, or because they find they didn’t really know the other person as well as they thought? Or is there another cause you see happening a lot, such as meeting someone else?

19. Can the brain can be saying one thing about a person while the heart is saying another? Why do you think we sometimes make bad choices for partners? And is this a learning curve so that as you get older your selection process improves? If a friend told you that he or she loved someone who didn’t love them back, what would you be your advice?

20. Bernard goes through a very bad time after splitting up with Gil. Have you ever had a bad breakup? What helped you through it? Did you learn anything that ended up being useful later on?

21. What do you think is the most important element in a successful relationship?

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