Random House: Bringing You the Best in Fiction, Nonfiction, and Children's Books
Authors
Books
Features
Newletters and Alerts

Buy now from Random House

  • Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility
  • Written by Judith Martin
  • Format: eBook | ISBN: 9780307557971
  • Our Price: $11.99
  • Quantity:
See more online stores - Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility

Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility

The Authoritative Manual for Every Civilized Household, However Harried

Written by Judith MartinAuthor Alerts:  Random House will alert you to new works by Judith Martin

eBook

List Price: $11.99

eBook

On Sale: August 10, 2011
Pages: 384 | ISBN: 978-0-307-55797-1
Published by : Crown Crown Trade Group
Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility Cover

Bookmark,
Share & Shelve:

  • Add This - Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility
  • Email this page - Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility
  • Print this page - Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility
ABOUT THE BOOK ABOUT THE BOOK
ABOUT THE AUTHOR ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PRAISE PRAISE
This book has no tags.
You can add some at Library Thing.
Synopsis|Excerpt

Synopsis

America's leading civility expert knocks household discourteousness off its foundations.

As the rudeness rampant in America's streets sends its citizens fleeing inside to bolt the doors and draw the shades, they are finding what was once the relative safety of the hearth threatened by an unwelcome addition to their living space--the same rudeness presumably left behind when they stepped across their own cozy thresholds.

With the keen wit and insight that distinguishes her column and previous books, Judith Martin's newest work equips residences everywhere with the tools to return manners to domestic life. Refusing to recognize that the harried household cannot meet her standards of propriety--especially since all households are now harried--Miss Manners explains how this is done.

Whether your family is nuclear, blended, extended, or unrelated; whether you are single, divorced, living together, or married; at a family dinner or dinner party; engaged in combat with the neighbors or with the relatives--there is simply no substitute for the core of civility that must reside at the heart of every house, condo or apartment if it is truly to be a home.

Miss Manners is prepared to sweep through your house and get rid of those lurking traces of rudeness that you were pretending not to notice.
You know you are not going to be able to enjoy a pleasant and peaceful household until these few chores are done.

Table of Contents
Chapter One--The People
Allotting due space and respect to parents, children, roommates, relatives--and whoever those
other people are whom one of them must have brought home

Chapter Two--The Place
Making use of the rooms instead of turning them into a mess or a museum, while everybody huddles upstairs

Chapter Three--The Rules
Negotiating compromises without having to leave home for Domestic Dispute Court

Chapter Four--The System
Keeping track of where everybody is, where they are supposed to be, and what they are supposed to be doing (if they remember)

Chapter Five--The Help
Getting the housework done when you can't complain about the Servant Problem--because theservants are you and the people in the phone book who may be there sometime today

Chapter Six--The Visitors
Offering hospitality without surrendering your privacy or your resources to the thankless

Chapter Seven--Entertaining: The Social Contract
Reviving the art of not-for-profit entertaining to make friends who will love you for yourself

Chapter Eight--Entertaining: The Social Event
Learning to give a variety of parties, formal and informal--because it beats staying home alone watching TV

Chapter Nine--Entertaining: The Relatives
Kindling warm memories rather than heated conflict at family occasions

Chapter Ten--The Community
Being pleasant enough to the neighbors so you're not afraid to walk out your own front door


From the Hardcover edition.

Excerpt

Why can't private life be organized on a businesslike basis? Miss Manners would have thought the answer to be: Because it's not a business. You can't fire the children, and you are not likely to make a profit from them. You wouldn't have hired them in the first place, if you had been aware of their skills and attitudes. That this does not discourage people from having children, Miss Manners understands. There is such a thing as Nature. Unfortunately, neither has it discouraged a great many people from approaching family and social life with the same techniques they apply to work. They compete with their spouses, they plot ways to entertain without incurring personal expense, they advertise for romance and they market what might otherwise be considered the sentimental occasions of their lives to extract cash and goods. If they can't fire their minor children, they keep giving them notice, and they sever connections with any other relative whom they deem unsatisfactory.

The results have not been encouraging. Private life is full of paradoxes that elude logic, not to mention business techniques. By letting it be known that you are avidly searching for romance, you render yourself unattractive. By requesting donations from friends, you stifle their generosity. By engaging in competition, you drive your spouse into the arms of competitors. When you fire relatives for poor performance, you suffer enormous financial losses.

True, there are areas of the household that do gain from business acumen. The family budget, for example. In organizing a household and keeping it supplied, a systematic approach works wonders. Miss Manners herself uses an inventory system (replacing household staples not when they are used up but when their replacement is used up) for which she understands the United States Navy also claims credit.
One can also contract out tasks that used to be performed at home. A household doesn't need to grow its own food; Miss Manners wouldn't dream of checking on whether it even cooked its own food, provided whatever is served makes a decent appearance on platters and plates. It can contract out any number of domestic chores, sometimes to astonishing new services, such as those that will nag the other services.
It is only when it comes to contracting out to commercial companies and professional counselors all the basic services that a family circle of relatives and intimate friends is supposed to supply--compassion, sympathy, companionship, advice-giving, emotional support, teaching morals and manners--that she becomes alarmed. When the personal aspects of family life are all supplied by outside professionals, the family is destroyed. Nor does it get its money's worth, no matter how esteemed and valuable these services may be. In family life, unlike in the business world, who does the job is even more important than how well it is done. Nepotism is a requirement.

Anyway, the premises on which family life are based would not be considered prudent in business. The family distributes its resources according to need, not merit, and values people without regard to how much money they make (which is why nonproductive children are given allowances). It considers pleasing people to be a better justification for the way things are done than logic or uniformity or speed. It puts extra work into caring for the helpless, instead of unloading them. It expects people to work free for the common good (which is why Miss Manners opposes offering the children money for chores).

All this is amazingly inefficient and not well focused on the bottom line. It is also the only way to live.

Getting Down to Business
DEAR MISS MANNERS--I know that in previous and more refined generations, my question would be unnecessary, but freedom to speak has taken a turn for the worse and I think other women of my generation (the Baby Boomers) and younger would find this an appropriate topic.
I am a single woman with a lively personality, educated, fun to be with, and with a pleasant physique. A number of times, I advertised myself in the personals columns of various publications as looking for a companion and husband. The ads are inviting and straightforward; they do not suggest I am looking for an affair. I have also responded to men's ads that seem to be age, interest, religion, etc., appropriate.
The problem is that in my initial conversation, on the telephone or when meeting a fellow in person, the man will sometimes say, "So how come you are not (or have ever been) married?" Many of these guys are divorced; perhaps they are envious or jealous of my freedom. My comeback is, "Well, that is a very personal question." There are reasons I've never been married but the reasons aren't important now, and the question is rude.

I am disappointed by this marriage question. Should I just rip up their letters and not go out with them? Or are they just having a lapse in proper etiquette?

GENTLE READER--The proper etiquette for what, exactly? You want these gentlemen to consider you as a marriage partner, but you don't want them to get personal?
Miss Manners acknowledges that proper etiquette prohibits strangers from asking such an intimate question. She believes it so very intimate a question that even your relatives should restrain themselves. About once a decade should be about right for your parents or grandparents to take you aside and ask you privately. Even then, you may point out how superfluous such probing is by replying politely, "When I have something to announce, you will be the first to hear it."


From the Hardcover edition.
Judith Martin

About Judith Martin

Judith Martin - Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility
Born a perfect lady in an imperfect society, Miss Manners considers it her duty and privilege to lead the way to a more civilized and possibly even pleasant society.

In her Miss Manners column, distributed by newspapers nationwide by United Features Syndicate since 1978, Judith Martin answers questions on etiquette three times a week. As readers accept her view of life as a comedy of manners, they have increasingly sent her not only their table and party questions, but those involving the more complicated aspects of life romance, work, family relationships, and child-rearing.

In contrast to Miss Manners, but with her indulgence, Mrs. Martin is also a novelist, journalist, lecturer and frequent guest on national television and radio shows. She recently presided over her own PBS television special, "Miss Manners and Company."

She has been called, by George F. Will, "the National Bureau of Standards." Mrs. Martin gives advice, in the words of People magazine, "as if she had access to the stone tablets that Moses mislaid." Miss Manners explains the etiquette element that can be found in just about every aspect of life.

Born in Washington, D.C. and reared there and in foreign capitals, Mrs. Martin spent 25 years at the Washington Post, where she covered social life at the White House, embassies, and the zoo, before becoming a film and drama critic. A graduate of Wellesley College, Mrs. Martin has been awarded several honorary degrees.

Mrs. Martin is a member of the Editorial Board of The American Scholar, the Board of Directors of the Washington Concert Opera, the National Advisory Council of the Institute of Governmental Studies of the University of California at Berkeley and the Board of Management at the Cosmos Club.

Judith Martin and her husband, a scientist and playwright, live in Washington, D.C. They have two perfect children.
Praise

Praise

"Judith Martin is the National Bureau of Standards."
-- George F. Will

"[Miss Manners'] wit and common sense put dear old Amy and Emily to shame!"
-- New York Times

"Explicit, pertinent, and absolutely self-assured advice."
--Newsweek


From the Hardcover edition.

  • Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility by Judith Martin
  • August 10, 2011
  • Reference - Etiquette; Reference
  • Crown
  • $11.99
  • 9780307557971

Your E-Mail Address
send me a copy

Recipient's E-Mail Address
(multiple addresses may be separated by commas)

A personal message: